I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
