Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
