3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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