Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
