There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
