what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
