It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
