too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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