At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
