Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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