it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
