Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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