Whod you bang
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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