that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
