U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
