I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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