I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
