you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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