Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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