so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will pee on everything he values.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
