sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
