So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
