I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
