I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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