i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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