im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
