what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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