Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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