He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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