I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I stole a fireplace last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
