I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
