We're like a lot better than the average bears
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
