Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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