I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
