She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
