I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
