to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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