By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
