Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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