Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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