Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
