I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
