the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
