On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
