Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
