having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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