I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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