I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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