So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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