he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
