she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
